Sweet baby.
When he gets like that, sleepy and stubborn and fuzzyheaded...all I want to do is hold him in my arms and give him kisses on his pretty face, and tell him everything will be okay.
I want to take care of him so badly. And I know he's eighteen, can probably take care of himself better than I can take care of myself..I know he's miles taller than me and much stronger and everything but all that does is make my heart ache even more with that ridiculously strong tenderness he inspires in me. I feel so much like the sort of boyfriend I've always wanted to be- the one person to whom the tough guy concedes, the only person he'll allow to kiss his wounds or even to see them. I want to be the wind beneath his wings, and see him soar high into the air...I want to be the support for his system, the one he turns to when he's lost or hurt or in need, even in tiny instances. I want him to run to me, to call on me, to reach for me.
Looking at him while he sleeps, with his dark sandy lashes swept down over his gorgeous little dimpled cheeks I can imagine him as a little boy, full of dreams and his baby sexuality and all the hopes and fears of childhood, the bright apples in his cheeks, the sadness behind the stormy silver-gray of his eyes.
He dreams so big, my baby, and he's so afraid of rejection that he swallows his needs and hopes they'll disappear. Anything to make someone else happy- usually me.
My sweet baby.
God, I want to comfort him so badly. I want to be everything that he needs so much- not only sexually, but in the sense that I am not only a boyfriend or lover to him but his second mother, his second father. His brother and sister, his best friend (other best friend)..
I want him to wake from his nightmares and turn to me to comfort him. I want him to trust that no matter what I'll be there- I'll do what I can, whatever I can, to ease his pain and his fears.
sometimes...sometimes I can imagine it. being married to him, laying beside him in our own bed and having his lovely head on my chest, his big hands on my stomach, fast asleep like a child grown too quickly, and my fingers- my fingers, caressing his hair, his cheek, his shoulders, letting him know even in dreams that I am here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here.
sometimes when I watch him sleep I feel a tenderness so great that my heart feels swollen with it.
sometimes when i watch him sleep I long to fold him inside myself and protect him from everything.
of course, sometimes when i watch him sleep I want to tunnel under the blankets to cover the most secret parts of his body with my mouth, and watch him stir into wakefulness as he stirs between my suckling lips.
sometimes when i watch him sleep....I could cry.
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